So Screwed

We had lunch yesterday at one of my favorite restaurants. We don't go there often because it's an hour away. I didn't know it was the type of place to serve a fancy Sunday brunch, but we were hungry and all the other food is good there, so we dove in and ate the buffet. I was enjoying the mashed potatoes-one of my most favorite foods-when I bit into something hard. Of course, I spit it out, right onto to my plate (because I'm classy like that) when it made a loud clank! I had bitten into a screw. It wasn't a long screw, it was one of the short fat ones, but a screw nonetheless. I kept feeling my teeth to make sure I didn't chip one..I didn't. Good thing it was mashed potatoes so I wasn't chewing too vigorously. The manager came over and apologized for it. I wasn't a crab-ass or anything, I understand things happen. If I had been feeding my child and that happened, I'd be irate. Or if I did chip a tooth. Our meal was comped and I left hungry. I was grossed out and couldn't eat anymore. Apparently, the screw came off the mixer that they used for the potatoes. I would think they'd notice a piece of the mixer was gone, but I guess not. Now I wonder, how dirty was that screw I almost ate???

I'm Back!

I haven't written in awhile because I've been busy. I'm sure I've disappointed all nine people who follow me. A lot has happened in the last few months. I had a baby and basically fell off the face of the earth. I guess I could have blogged while I was maternity leave because I was bored to tears! All day long, I sat and stared at my baby. I talked to him, read him books, and showed him all his toys. I would do that for a few hours a day because he slept the rest of it. I was told to relax, so I did.

I was reading a few of my old blogs to see where I left off. I can't believe I wrote about not being able to gain weight. I think I jinxed myself! Once I started to gain, I couldn't stop! I was hungry ALL THE TIME. I was carrying a big baby though, 9 pounds 5 ounces.

I'll need to keep writing. I have forgotten how much I liked it. The next time something interesting happens, I'll write.

3.5 hours at the lab

On Wednesday, I had to take the 3 hour glucose test to check to see if I would have gestational diabetes. It basically checks to see how well your body tolerates all the sugar. Not all pregnant woman have to have it done, but I was one of the unlucky ones. I failed my normal glucose test the week before, so I had to go do this one. I couldn't eat or drink anything for 12 hours prior. When I got there, I peed in a cup, got my blood drawn, drank the nasty sugar water drink, then sat for an hour. Each hour after that, I had to have my blood drawn. I brought my computer so I could work while sitting in the lobby. I was interrupted multiple times by people talking about the weather (yes, it's cold, and snowing, I KNOW), the smell of old people diapers, and singing.

I forgot to bring my ipod, shame on me, so I was forced to listen to everyone, including the guy who sang love songs from his ipod while humping his girlfriends butt and dancing. They were standing in line to get checked in, he was standing behind her cuddling her in a most inappropriate way. It was a long line too and they were at the end. He sang all the way to the front of the line, while his girlfriend was getting checked in, and then while they sat and waited. I was hoping all the evil looks I was sending his way would be enough to get him to be quiet, but it wasn't.

I was already irritable from being hungry and thirsty. Then to top it off, I was having my blood drawn multiple times. Somehow, I managed to keep my cool, and continued to work. I knew if I said something, his girlfriend would probably have freaked out on me, or they would have been waiting for me at my car. I didn't want that, I'm too pregnant to run fast.

My lunch

We are having our annual conference right now, and I got volunteered to work. I have to sit through talks, open the door when it's over, and take comment cards. I'm very important, I know. I signed up for the lunch, since I don't turn down free food, and I knew I'd be starving, because I always am. I didn't know what we'd be served, but last year, we had deli meat sandwiches, so I guessed it would be the same thing. I was right.

There's a long list of things pregnant woman can't eat, drink, or enjoy while pregnant. I don't mind, but today, I really wanted that deli meat sandwich. Deli meat is on the no-no list. If you want to know why, go here: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/listeria.html I put cheese and lettuce on a croissant, and pretended I was eating a lovely turkey sandwich. I also ate fruit, pasta salad, and pickles. Lots and lots of pickles. I'm not eating the pickles because of a pregnancy craving, but because they are good pickles. I don't know what it is about restaurant pickles, but they are so much better than store bought ones. I also had a tiny bowl of chili. It didn't have beans in it, so I enjoyed it.

Peeing Update

Yesterday, my back, abs, and hips hurt to the point that I could no longer sit in my chair at work. I went home and worked from the comfort of my own couch, while laying on a heating pad. I found that the warmth of the heating pad made me go pee so much more! It didn't help come bedtime, because I still woke up to go.

I brought my heating pad with me to work today, but I haven't peed yet. Shocking since I've already downed a couple glasses of water. I think my body is afraid to use public toilets. At least the ones here at work. They are always filled with W.P.'s. What is a W.P. you ask? It stands for Work Pooper. Actually, the 'W' stands for the place I work for, but I don't want to publicly tell on these people. After someone makes the bathroom unbearable, I look them up on the company directory and mentally note not to go into the bathroom if I see them go into or leave it.

My poor bladder has to suffer because people can't wait until they get home to do their business.

What a fattie

For the first time in my life, I have a belly. It sticks out and I rub it, and pat it all the time. I call it: My little Buddha. According to "What to expect when you're expecting" I should gain a pound a week for the rest of pregnancy. Which makes complete sense since I have 25 weeks left and I should gain 25-35 pounds overall.

I'm having a problem becoming a little piglet. I thought gaining weight would be the easiest part of pregnancy. It's not. My baby hates sugar and fried food, I think. Anytime I eat either, I throw up. I have been eating sugar, but teeny tiny bits at a time. Once, I ate half a box of nilla wafers and spent the rest of the day half dead in the bathroom. The baby didn't like that much. The same thing happened when I ate twizzlers. I haven't gotten sick in over a week, so I thought I'd be able to gain a pound this week...NO...I lost a pound!

The baby loves apples though. Green granny smith apples are it's favorite. I wonder how many of those I'd need to eat to gain a pound?

I must be going now. I have to eat a snack!

Rules

Earlier this year, when my cousin was pregnant, she received a 'funny' email and decided to pass it along. I saved it for future reference and decided to post it here.

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,

All the Pregnant Women in the World